Maartje Hensen: Exploring Polyamory, Kink Culture, and Radical Self-Love

Choosing curiosity over expectation

In a world where relationships, identity, and self-expression are constantly evolving, Maartje Hensen has embarked on a journey of discovery, challenging societal norms and embracing the fullness of their own humanity. From exploring polyamory to diving into kink culture, Maartje’s story is one of curiosity, courage, and radical self-love.

From the podcast

This conversation with Maartje Hensen originally appeared on the She Comes With Baggage podcast.

Watch the full interview here.

Becoming their own primary partner

Maartje Hensen’s journey through love, identity, and self-discovery is one of courage, curiosity, and conscious growth. They describe a period in their life where they took time for themselves, diving deep into their emotions and confronting patterns of codependency in relationships. “I realized that I’m a whole person, and I want to be my own primary partner,” they explained.

This realization became a guiding principle as they explored polyamory, not as a rejection of monogamy, but as a conscious experiment in self-reliance, trust, and communication.

“Jealousy can be such a great teacher. Where does this jealousy come from? Is it a need of mine unmet? How can I then meet that myself?”

Letting jealousy become information

For Maartje, relationships are as much about self-understanding as they are about connection with others. Maartje reflects on the power of curiosity in navigating complex emotions like jealousy, explaining, “Jealousy can be such a great teacher. Where does this jealousy come from? Is it a need of mine unmet? How can I then meet that myself?”

By approaching emotions without shame, they emphasize the importance of self-reflection and self-love as tools for personal growth and healthier partnerships.

Kink, trust and embodied self-expression

Their exploration of intimacy also extends to the world of kink, where they discovered new ways to express sensuality and trust. Attending queer-focused spaces, like Berlin’s KitKat Club, gave them the freedom to explore their sexuality safely and authentically. “Being tied with rope… I felt so held and loved.

I could surrender, I could trust, and I could explore my own sensuality safely,” Maartje recalls. For them, kink is not just erotic, it’s a space for healing, empowerment, and self-expression, highlighting the profound importance of consent, communication, and mutual respect.

“Get a good support network because nothing ever good happens in isolation… slowing down, checking in with myself, finding environments that feel really good, and that’s what helped me,”

Finding support outside isolation

Maartje’s journey also grapples with loneliness and fear of abandonment, feelings grounded in their childhood and amplified by ADHD. They have learned to confront discomfort rather than run from it, embracing practices that nurture mental health and emotional resilience.

“Get a good support network because nothing ever good happens in isolation… slowing down, checking in with myself, finding environments that feel really good, and that’s what helped me,” they said. Through therapy, meditation, and somatic practices like yoga, Maartje reconnects with their body and their emotions.

Documenting queer abundance

Creativity has long been a cornerstone of Maartje’s self-expression. From capturing intimate moments in travel photography to documenting queer-owned spaces around the world, they use their camera to illuminate the beauty and abundance of life. “I love capturing what is… seeing what is and being present,” they explain.

Their work, including writing The Pride Atlas, showcases the importance of visibility and community for LGBTQ+ travelers while celebrating authentic experiences and connection.

Creating spaces where people feel seen

Now, Maartje is translating their lived experiences into coaching, supporting others in embracing queer identity, intimacy, and self-expression. They describe coaching as an extension of their work in photography: creating safe spaces where people can feel empowered, seen, and fully themselves.

“I love to empower people, especially queer people… to create a safe space where they can fully be authentically themselves,” they said.

Radical self-love as practice

Through every phase of their journey, Maartje Hensen embodies a commitment to self-love, curiosity, and authenticity. Maartje shows that true empowerment comes not from fitting into societal expectations but from exploring, embracing, and celebrating every part of oneself.